Your Body Belongs to You

I grew up in a household where I was frequently told that everything I had, including my very self, was actually the property of my parents. I am vehemently opposed to this line of thinking. It's extremely degrading to children to be constantly referred to as property, and actually predisposes them to abuse. Children need to know that they have rights, that their boundaries can and should be respected, and that they are the owners of their bodies. Given that, this week's book appealed to me simply by reading the title, Your Body Belongs to You by Cornelia Maude Spelman. The book starts out with a note to parents explaining that when we force any unwanted touch, even affectionate touching like hugs, kisses, tickling, etc, it sends the message to children that they do not have the right to set boundaries or have their bodies respected. The story itself is written extremely simply. It's well suited to a preschool audience, but I wouldn't recommend it for kids over the age of five. It teaches that many touches are good and that others are not. Kids are told that their private parts are where their bathing suits cover and that no one should touch their private parts except for doctors or people helping them in the bathroom. They are also told that it's okay to refuse even good touches by saying, "No, not right now please," and to tell a grown-up if someone touches them in a way they don't like. I do wish that the book took the concept a step further and talked to kids about the importance of respecting other people's boundaries too (a much needed lesson for this age group), but perhaps that would be too much information for really young kids.

I read this book to my 3 year old and afterward asked him what parts of his body are his private parts. I asked him whether anyone else is allowed to touch his private parts and emphasized no, not even mommy or daddy, not grandma or grandpa, or his teachers at school. I asked him what he will do if anyone tries to touch his private parts and he was able to remember that he needs to tell mommy and daddy. Then we played a short game where I would ask him for hugs and he got to decide whether to accept or to say, "No, not right now please." I have never forced affection onto my children to start with, but delighted in being able to tell me no and see his boundaries clearly respected. I did not read it to my 6 year old as I feel it's too simple for his level. He would likely find it babyish and I think that older kids benefit from more specific information anyway. However, I do feel my preschooler benefited from this story and would recommend it for this age group.